Entry: Laying down Issac Saturday, May 06, 2006

My heart gets excited to see God moves in the hearts of the people for Japan. It is really His heart to get Japan saved. There is no doubt in this area!

Gradually, from taking the first step in obedience, now the lonely little bloc for H4J had turned into a small prayer network. While walking through, drought and fullness became a cycle in life.

Last year at this time, I was in Kyoto, and then the next week I was in Tokyo. From pulling the horse avoiding stepping to the forefront, I could never imagine myself turned into a short-term missionary just by taking the step of faith. Letting God be God, taking risk of being scorned and not accepted, the heart that beats for Japan moved thus far.

Somehow, I had never realized that the Great Commission, is not only obeying the beat of His heart, but also is a constant process of laying down my Isaac on the altar. I thought laying down my Isaac only took once, and that was the step before stepping forward. God knows that how struggle it was for me to lay down my Isaac two years back. I was crying and weeping, soaking myself in tears and carefully doing research and secretly holding myself before I could came to that point, just to share about the vision that God put in my heart -- Japan!

I thought the agony was over when I came back from the short trip. Then, before I realized about it, the Isaac in my life changed, I had to go through the same process again. I felt so defeated, and a feeling of failing God made me ashamed. I became silence, and once again, I doubted myself, and even the calling to serve. Innocently, I fell into the trap of the enemy. As I struggled with my sinful nature, God had continued to show me His faithfulness and kindness. He strengthened me as I was punched down in shame, and that process was repeating again and again. When the shame tempted me to leave Jesus, I rose up in my spirit and fought back! I got to run the race. It is for Him to judge, not for me. I love Jesus! Moreover, I was the prodigal son.

Now, I am facing my third Isaac in life. Each time, the laying down process gets harder and harder. I thought I was such a hypocrite when I faced my third Isaac. Then I learned the truth! Laying down my Isaac would never end. Walking with Jesus Christ is never an easy journey. Our faith would constantly be tested and proved in the journey. I finally realized, what I was tested was my willingness to lay down my rights! It was crazy to notice how the first Isaac turned into second Isaac and later into third Isaac. All these were unrelated, and I had never gave the second and third a thought in my life. Yet, in the test of faith, I was surprised on how these unexpected issues to hold and bound me from moving forward into the Kingdom of God.

As I was hoping to move for Him, I constantly discover God was doing something in my life. The result of obedience will always bring joy far more than I understood about it. But the pruning really hurts, and it is still a very painful process. And so many of times, I laid down my Isaac, feeling so helpless, the next minute before I realized about it, I took it back again from His hand. The agony of it was really a torment in spirit. Please pray for me! I need your prayers to hold me right, for I am extremely weak.

In Jesus, Amen.


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